I puked a lego.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
