I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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