if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
We need to rekindle our bromance
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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