You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
i think i just lost a toe
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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