ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
