FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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