She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
