her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
