In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
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