Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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