My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize