Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
