A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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