Having a random hookup so left but love u
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
