This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
