dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
