She is in my trunk
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
