Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
