Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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