omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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