She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
