i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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