Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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