if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Someone shit on the floor
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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