Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
