Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The Olympian is in my bed
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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