I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
