Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
