found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
