I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You smell like stripper and shame
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
