it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
