Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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