Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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