Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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