ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
