well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Im part way to drunk.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
