After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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