Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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