I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
