I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
