in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Maybe he injected his testicle?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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