I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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