Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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