"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize