Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
