im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
