who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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