My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
