One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
