the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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