I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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