I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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