70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
