I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Congratulations! We have a period
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