I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
