the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
True college students do jello shots in the library
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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