The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
