You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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