No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
