I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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