I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
